Meet Your Online Dating Profile Writer


Last night I spent a lot of time with Harpua, a blog I recently dedicated to my friend, a man I adore and respect. I told him about my plans to write dating profiles for Clyde and Divorcee, two of my favorite men, along with my master plan to bring in extra money. I copied and pasted the Match profile into my computer, and roughly wrote a few sentences, feeling my way through uncharted territory.
Divorcee was completely impressed, which surprised and touched me, my intention has always been to help him believe the right woman is out there for him, to write what he has a hard time putting into words.
I loved reading what Clyde wrote, well thought out, authentic, but missing so many important details, a puzzling reality as an outsider, to see how he saw himself, and I laughed so much at the thought of what I would write about my dear Clyde, a man who has no idea what makes him so beautiful.
I can’t wait to post them on my blog, to make them both squirm.
Harpua has decided to join them, and when I read his Match profile he had let expire, I laughed my ass off, the worst possible description of himself I could ever imagine, and it is unfathomable to me that this awesome man I know well, based on his own writing, should be a red flag to any woman who read it.
They need my help. It is a desperate cry.
Sometimes who we really are and what people love about us are the very things we hide away, and I see this all around me and in myself, like a huge road block we drive miles to avoid. I always know in my life when I am stuck driving around in circles, taking all the wrong turns, completely lost, not knowing how to get back on the right path.
And yet, I am aware that even when I am in these dark hidden places, I always have choices.
Sometimes I am comfortable in my wandering, more afraid to succeed than fail, avoiding changes that may make me face my fake relationships, terrified of what I might find, of who I will make uncomfortable, of what it may cost me.
Then there are those moments of choosing something else, like hope and courage, exhausted from fighting an energy I can’t touch or explain, so I will surrender to the dark, asking for the light, afraid of its blinding judgment, waiting for the big scary monster to carry me away.
Then there are the choices I live my life trying to remember, because they always arrive with a magic carpet lifting me right off the ground, people I never imagined existed just appear, miracles stand up, love lights my life up like a long runway, all the signs and arrows I ever needed, always pointing me home.
I feel we constantly create an image we believe the world wants, all of our own beliefs and fears formed from these deeply wounded secret places, and from this place we make up an image so the world will accept us, an image we are sure will free us, heal us, make us whole, happy, and successful.
So we make a contract with our image, one lie on top of another, and before we know it, we have become slaves to the very wounds we attempted to escape, unable to see the very image we sell to the world is in fact the very road block keeping our deepest desires and dreams from being realized.
We are certain our image is more important than our suffocated lost selves, and we suffer deeply, committed to our wounds, the lies that money, beauty, youth, fame, our career or relationships are what we want, angry that we never feel seen or heard for who we really are.
If only we understood from the very beginning the world doesn’t want our image, it wants us.
I am realizing I am tapping into all my gifts, experiences, creativity, and intuition. I am on fire with this idea, to market myself as a dating profile writer, a title I just made up completely, and I wondered how fulfilling it would be to do what I love, which is to write, for people who are stuck, which I have total empathy for, to wonder about the characters I would meet along the way, to hold in my hand the camera of my dreams, the ultimate symbol of accepting my crazy, quirky, creative self.
I believe I have been holding on to this image that having a relationship would make me whole, rejecting my inner voice telling me to go write, create art, take photography school by storm, go to concerts, to stop trying to be a PTA mom and roll in the floor and play with my girls.
My inner voice says dance and laugh and be wild.
My image says that is ridiculous, selfish, bound for failure and not practical.
It says I should stay where I am, in a job I feel drained, that school could fail with only loans to show for it, that my girls will not know I love them.
It says a man is my best route, a distraction my head will not let my heart intervene for it may mean I am to be alone, something in my secret place, haunts me.
It says I should be a good girl, but not great, because I should be grateful for what I have instead of being fearless to find out what I could become.
I am so sick of this image I could vomit.
The image has made its point again and again. “Really? it taunts. ”
“You may pursue a job for men on dating services, for a camera and equipment you were denied from a loan to buy, just a few months before going to school, and on top of that, you deserve a trip to a wedding to reunite with old friends instead of staying home like a good mom?”
I created this image and it has finally caught up with me, asking me to choose.
I can shred it, accept the consequences for better or worse, believe in the power within me, become the person I already am. What will happen now? Who am I without my image? What if I fail beyond redemption?
I honestly have no idea.
I am on my knees AGAIN, asking for the light, too exhausted to give a damn, waiting on a monster from the dark to devour me, and yet, I must look back on my choices, to remember what I can always count on.
Life is the miracle waiting to be claimed, belief is the stop light turning green, worthy is my foot on the gas, truth is the traffic parting, faith is the tears washing my windows clean, and love is the power that puts it all in drive, pushing me forward, all the way home.

8 thoughts on “Meet Your Online Dating Profile Writer

  1. Let me tell you a little something about me. I’m 22. I have no money. I have insane debt. I live at my parents’ house. I have grandpa-glasses. I have what will develop later in life into a unibrow. I have a beer gut. I’ve got a big beard and a neck beard to go along with it. Yeah, a neck beard.

    Now imagine that in your mind, and I mean really imagine it. Is this the kind of person who can attract a girl whenever he wants? Be totally honest. No? Wrong. Dead wrong. This is probably blowing your mind right now, and understandably so. This just isn’t the image that Hollywood puts up on the big screen. We are bred to believe that only the George Clooneys and Brad Pitts of the world, with their big chins and sculpted bodies, attract, court, and have sex with beautiful women.

    We believe that the only people who can attract girls easily are the people who have absurd amounts of cash to spend – they have nice clothes, drink Grey Goose, go to the hottest clubs, and they even have a perfect tan in the middle of December. This is a lie. It is simply not true.

  2. Hmmm. I doubt it is your appearance that is not attracting women Mr. Attract A Girl. I beg to differ. First of all, no woman wants to be anywhere near a man who refers to himself the way you just did. It is negative, hopeless, and a story you tell yourself in your head that for whatever reason, you want to choose to believe.
    I think the easy thing is to blame George Clooney, and the media, but for God’s sakes, women have put up with that stigma and much more. Men at least have the luxury for most the part to have personality count for a lot, and humor, kindness, and intellect. I know a lot of men who have a gut who are in relationships, and I see it all the time.
    This is my question for you, sir.
    I think it is not fair to blame women for not being attracted to you because the truth is, you don’t want a woman.
    Why do you live at home?
    What are you doing to pay off your debt?
    You are only 22 and you have already fated yourself to a life alone, a unibrow yet to come, and yes, they do have electric razors these days. I wonder if these are the excuses you are giving for women not flocking to you, and no, I don’t blame them because your not addressing the real problem. The problem is your negative self talk, your belief that women only approach men who have nice clothes, drink Grey Goose, and go to hot clubs?
    Are you kidding me?
    I don’t know any men like that nor would I call such a ridiculous excuse to not be doing the inner work on myself, in my life by blaming it on Brad Pitt.
    Send me your Match profile. I would love to see if you are really as ugly as you say, or just a big scaredy kat.

  3. geez, it’s so hard to be thought of as a person who only cares about looks, grey goose, and undeveloped unibrows. Here I am struggling to be a better person so i can meet people that reflect that back to me, and one of the hurting people in the world has already dismissed me as being something i’m not. I will say that it DOES matter how you treat yourself, but not from a position of trying to seduce others to think your something you are not, but from a position of loving your authentic self, whoever that is, and that is YOUR work to do. No one else can do it for you, and it is work to uncover your prejudices, guilt, shames etc. so that you can forgive yourself and move on. Are you interested in a relationship with an overweight, unhealthy, girl with a chin beard and and her own unibrow? No? I thought not.

  4. Wow. So, it seems like our little man cub who has neck hair is actually running a website on how to attract women, check it out ladies. Attractagirl.org. is the website associated with the man who replied above, something I find to be absolutely fascinating, seeing as he has a beer gut and lives at home. I only saw one post and I must say I was terribly sad I didn’t see a way I could comment. I find it strange that in his website he wants to “help” men find women without compromising their integrity, which is great, but if you would just help me understand how appearing one way on this blog, and then in fact, running a website designated just the opposite, could make any person want your services?
    Maybe he just wants some advertisement.
    Maybe he has bipolar or some other illness, causing him to forget if he were a player or a dude with a unibrow, leaving at home. I just want to know for curiosity. No hard feelings. Will the Real Mr. Attract a Girl, please stand up?

  5. Would what you like to know datingtipsandrelationships? I do need to post a blog about the latest updates so I will work on that tomorrow. Any specific questions?

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