Mad Match Madness Skills

With a little research from Clyde, I was sent a Match profile of a girl with a superhero scifi name for Divorcee.
I copied this straight from her profile: “I am a huge nerd who can recite all the dialogue from the original Star Wars trilogy (but not the prequels because they suck.)”
I learned her favorite spot was the movies, she is a fan of diet coke, is an introvert, works for a television Research manager, a brunette, and she only lives a few miles away.
I think Divorcee’s eyes nearly popped out of his head.
She had him at True Blood, almost had him pass out over Harry Potter, and he is ready to make sweet love to her when he noticed she watches movies over continually. On top of this, she is agnostic, reads, walks, and loves to stay home. She seems cute from her photos, proud to be goofy, authentic, and her mentioning the Lord of the Rings and popcorn seemed to override his only concern, being that she listed herself as curvy, something I can’t understand being an issue, seeing that he considers himself to be a boob and ass man.
Wait. Aren’t all men boob and ass men?
And so, he just wants to hang out with her, enough to deadline me to write his profile, and so we have it cyberspace strangers, the beginning of my future as an Online Profile Dating Professional.
Maybe I should get a t-shirt made to make it official.
I need to take his photo, which I will tell you right now is going to be annoying, seeing as he never listens to my direction, can not take it seriously, meaning I am going to have to follow him around until I catch him not in the Superman pose, or using gang symbols to torture my ass.
We have a date with destiny, to write, photograph, and post his profile so he can contact her, I guess with a little Spock foreplay hopefully, seeing as a vampire discussion might send him over the edge.
I suppose I am going to need to join the site as well, seeing as this is how I plan to make some cash to buy that Canon 5D Mark II I have been lusting over, the one that will film in HD, and lead Rob to me like a moth to the flame.
What should my profile name be?
Clyde suggests Miracle Magnet, which he would, because he is Mr. Awesome, and I thought about what I might say that is totally honest, and sincere, and of course legal. Clyde says its like I am asking questions, giving them a resume, in which they pay for, and how that resume lands him a woman is not my problem. I must put on my best journalist persona, selling the idea, showing I mean business, for all the men out there with no game.
I wonder what my profile catch phrase should be. Maybe something like, “Unless you are Rob Dyrdek, I am not on this site to date.” That paradox may prompt curiosity. Maybe I could link my blog so my professional ideas will be taken seriously, seeing as Paypal always sends the wrong kind of message, you know?
Harpua is going to be a problem as well because he doesn’t get past the very first glance of cleavage, especially on a red head, and he did admit to going on two dates, seeing the two girls, and leaving them without even a hello, his tires screeching his exit. How horrific is that? Clyde says that is acceptable if the women have misrepresented themselves in the photographs, which is such a man comment to make anyway, considering the chick could have been really cool or a nice time.
Man Cubs and their ways are a mystery, aren’t they?
Harpua’s profile was so terrible I can’t believe a woman even went to meet him, probably a good idea to have bolted out of the parking lot. I’m also a little concerned that it only takes cleavage and red hair and the man has a decision having not read a word she said on her profile. I knocked one out 100%, a total fail waiting to happen by what she had written, while he scrolled the pictures, nodding yes, that this one was hot.
He profile were on the lines of that he went out way too often, never met any women he liked, didn’t play enough golf, went to the pool on Saturdays, and burns easily.
Oh, and that is is an Entrepreneur, and yet, told me he didn’t want to attract women who cared about only money.
Dynomite Girl is well worth it, and if she sent out a line out of Goonies, memorized, at exactly the right moment, Dragoncon better watch it.
Divorcee just might have a date lined up.

3 thoughts on “Mad Match Madness Skills

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