Lola’s Birthday Bear Hunt


When I go on an adventure, I call it a Bear Hunt. My favorite part of being a mom is by far taking them on Bear Hunts, sometimes spontaneous, or not, planned to the detail, but always a surprise to them. I like to have them open the door, find a clue leading them to a surprise bag of candy, a trip to the water park, an Easter basket. The girls and I have had many bear hunts, but this was our first birthday bear hunt, a tribute to Lola turning five.
Lola had already had her birthday party, a perfect ambush moment, and the day was so fun, with hilarious moments, shocked faces, and the promise to Kat that she will have a hunt when she turns 9, and so a tradition has started. I got to feel for one whole day what it must be like to be Oprah, but white.
I am already planning a hunt for Clyde’s 40th, trying to figure out what will completely stump him. When Oprah does Bear Hunts, I have always wanted to be that person in the audience, the one shocked because they got Nate to come babysit their kids while they went to the Spa.
Oprah is the “Bear Hunt Queen.”
I would call myself something more like the “Bear Hunt Pimp.”
I can’t give away homes or new cars, but sunglasses and fake microphones, a trip to Party City, and I am off on a bad mother hunt. Finding Rob Dyrdek is going to be the most fabulous Bear Hunt of all, and I have been working on my Master Plan, writing out my ideas, plotting my next few moves. I think I may pull a fake UFO stunt, see if people will congregate to a field with open chairs, something I will have to pull off with a little thought. Then, I think a balloon with Rob’s face should be flown over them, and after I film the response, will need to jet with my 8 year old body guard Kat, my make up artist Lola, and of course, the Vietnamese Director, all in our van covered in sacred geometry wall paper.
If I make a film like this, get it in Rob’s hands, how could he not meet me?
Operation Bear Hunt Rob is going to rock my face off.
So, I took Lola on her birthday Bear Hunt, her fifth birthday, and I put together a little movie of the highlights, to give you a taste of the fun.
To give you a little back story, we started at the American Girl Store, an absolute dream for little girls, but I must say, is quite disturbing. The dolls are seated with the girls in the cafe and are treated like regular guests. First of all, as a server, I can barely keep a smile for hungry adults, but can you imagine having to get honey mustard for some little girl’s fake doll?
They even have a hair salon for the dolls, which I thought was adorable, but absolutely ridiculous. I got out the cash laughing as the lady behind me groaned, both our little girls eyes begging, neither of us being able to justify ourselves, except it was so darn cute, and her birthday. That is, until the Unicorn came up. This precious young brunette, practically a child herself, said that the magic Unicorn pierced the dolls ears. First of all, in my defense, before you judge me, I do not know why I thought there was a magic Unicorn, but maybe I was tired, with low blood sugar, and shit, I just saw Monkey Joe dressed up at a friend’s party, so why wouldn’t there be some poor fool in a Unicorn outfit behind the door? I believed her and Kat and Lola almost fainted at the thought of meeting a real unicorn, especially one who lived behind closed doors.
Kat said we must be just so special.
I sighed and handed fifteen bucks to the lady for Emily, the stupid doll, to have her ears pierced.
I kind of thought the pictures would be cute, so let the ear piercing begin.
When Emily ten minutes later was handed back with her ears pierced, Kat looked as if someone had shot her dog.
The brunette, looked at me, aware I didn’t “get it” about the Unicorn not being real, said he was so shy, and was so very afraid of people. Kat said she was shy, that she could help him, or even better, we could wait till midnight when it was dark for him to come out. I am a mom genius, or idiot, but I said why not ask him to please write us a letter instead, and so my fifteen bucks got me Emily’s ear pierced and two ecstatic girls who got to read a letter from a Unicorn, who Kat shouted, “I can’t believe he speaks human!”
This day had many more hilarious moments, a Sweet N Sassy salon, a runway, a trip to see Nana, Target, a game of how many 5’s we could photograph, and last, a very tired mom, a perfect cd to put two girls stuffed from Chocolate Molten Cake to sleep in the back seat. If you would like to see the Bear Hunt in full form, check the video below. The American Doll Store is truly amazing, ridiculous, on the border of either imagination or narcissism, and I had the time of my life, or I was so tired I imagined Unicorns lived in the back of stores, piercing baby doll ears, at fifteen dollars a pop.
If only I had thought of it first.

2 thoughts on “Lola’s Birthday Bear Hunt

  1. BEST MOM EVER! I wish we could go on bear hunts together, two boys, two girls, two moms, just doing what they do. CO is so far from GA.

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