“Are You a GIVER or TAKER” is my Question?

I should own a buzzer, or one of those buttons you push that light up on Jeopardy, and my car should light up like the game show “Cash Cab.” The reality is that I live with the midget version of Alex Trebek, Pat Sajak, and any news journalist combined, on speed. Kat could take them all out, in one sweep. People with kids may nod in understanding, but we actually have speed dial for relief, when I just can’t take one more question, Nana gets all the ones about Jesus, God, Angels, and if John the Baptist were to fight Jesus in heaven, would there be time out, and did Mary bottle feed since bottles didn’t exist before donkeys. Divorcee gets the most, seeing as he attempts to answer them, while Lola, Baby Bro, and I pick and choose, ignoring her, or answering with sarcasm, when we can’t take it any more. These are a few that I wrote down last night, and added this morning, just from last night and before taking her to school.
“When he was younger did DARTH VADER know he was going to be dark?”
“What IS the FORCE?”
“HOW come he can understand Chewbacca’s language but no one else can?”
“How do you LEARN Chewbacca, mom?”
“Is there a small person inside of R2D2, or is he like a computer doll?”
“Is the Equator a place that has a line. Dad said yes, but Nana says it is imaginary.”
“Can we visit the Equator, and did you know I can sing the planets to TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR?”
“Is it HOT when you touch a planet?”
“Can Lola touch it, or is she too little, and mom, she called Dad a girly boy, did you know that?”
“What is a Girly Boy, mom?”
“When I fight with Lola, do you know I get a maddish and happyish feeling inside?”
“Is your dentist the KING OF ALL DENTISTS?”
“Do you hate being grown up because you don’t get balloons from your dentist?”
“Why do horses lay down?”
“Do the horses that lay down get up or are they about to die, or just taking a nap?”
“Why do clothes have to match?
“Who named each day, and why Monday before Tuesday?”
“Did you know Jack got a Mohawk?”
I am a lot like Lola, who makes up shit, like giving her teacher a different name, something I like to do but at 32, which at my age, are called nicknames, I suppose. Or blog names, even funnier, now I think of it. I know these questions are only going to bring on 1000 more, so I keep it simple, lie a lot, and choose the ones I believe are important enough to use my energy on. I have a lot of Question Givers in my life, Divorcee, my mom, and Clyde for instance, always asking me about goals, schedules, events, usually things that make me squirm. What is maddening is that when I have a question for him, he 99.9% of the time answers, “I am a Leo.”
He thinks that is hilarious. I am just accepting I am a TAKER, not a giver, when it comes to questions, but I was proud of asking the “Kat, did you know Chewbacca speaks like that because he asked too many questions before his mommy had coffee?” She stares and makes a pause, blinks, and Lola laughs. “MOM, you’re kidding!” Lola’s laughter always gives it away.
Clyde asked me a question, and I said I was a Leo, which didn’t phase him, my distractions never do, and he asked, “What would be your dream job?” Oh, fun. I love these. Baby Bro and I play, “What you would do with ten million” all the time. First, since it is my dream, I want to hire a person who lives in a private room, that Kat can ask anything, at all times, so she can be the genius she is born to be.
For me, my DREAM job, the requirements would be:
– To meet Rob Dyrdek, in a cinematic tease of events, which I would photograph, not him, but the people. I love shocked faces. They are hilarious.
-To own a Canon 5D Mark II, and photograph genius moments that make people laugh, cry, gasp.
-To write two books, one called, “I Only Went Out for One Drink,” and a serious one, maybe a memoir.
-To feel the feeling of what it must be like to have 100,000 people or more, click on my blog, or to write a best seller, would make me want to throw up joy, just meeting someone who reads this blog, subscribes, or mentions it, lights a spark from my head to my toes.
-To make people laugh daily, to travel all over the world, my photos and blog and videos, the art people would want to buy, can you imagine? Oh, and to have sex 3-4 times a week, with the man of my dreams, and I only mention it, since this is my dream, and I think I’ll meet him on the job. Until then, I will fill beverages, work my ass off, write, laugh, and be like Vanna, turning letters over for Kat, pouring my heart into my art, absorbing everything around me like a sponge. Now there is a dream job, Vanna White, are you kidding me?
Can I get DREAM WEAVER for $1000 Alex?

3 thoughts on ““Are You a GIVER or TAKER” is my Question?

  1. tell Kat that I too feel madness and joy when i argue with people. well, depending on the person. I believe that those dreams will come true. even the Rob Dyrdek one. Where does he live anyway? this might be a great trip for a graduation celebration from photog school. šŸ™‚

  2. Awesome! I think Kat is brilliant and I would be endlessly entertained to discuss those questions with her. She reminds me of the book that just came out, “Sh*t My Dad Says.” It’s also very cool that although human, you do get fed up with her. I definitely appreciate that you would like to hire a person that she can ask questions all of the time. Hilarious to think about.

  3. Ask and you shall receive, Christopher. I will write down the ones on organic butter, oils, healing, and working out, which when they come, will be sent with satisfaction that the perfect man is officially, hired. šŸ™‚

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