“Top Tens” of Awesome

Ten Things I did or did not find awesome this weekend.

1. Getting two boys completely confused while texting, or sexting. Not awesome. They did have the same last name, so judge away.

2. On Saturday, finding a feather on a dark day when I want to hide under my covers and I am praying that 2012, the supposed end of the world, for the tenth time, will come early. Yes, I pray to God and he sends me feathers and dimes to answer my prayers. Eat it, Clyde. I love the way he hates on me for my faith and my feathers… I find it awesome and endearing.

3. Lola’s first birthday party invite, where a Magician came and made a bunny float in mid air. He also had swirling flowers come out her armpit, and she got to pet the bunnies. Divorcee saw Magic Man did grown up parties, but I refuse to be cut in half for awesome, if that was even what he was getting at.

4. Opening a jar of salsa. I would normally twist, sigh, and call up a man, to open it up with a pop, but guess what? There is no man. It was hard and I looked ridiculous, banging it, using forks and knives, sweat dripping down, but I did it, my friends. One leg up on the counter with all my weight into the sides of the blasted thing, and it popped. Things that pop are awesome.

5. Feeling jealous when my little girl said “humans” (hoomans) were not invited to the magic party. She is growing up, and as bad as I hate it, it is awesome to see.

6. Jager bombs with old friends, both High School Hotties, at a pub, fifteen years later, only to discover my “plan” to get my drink on got interrupted by a text saying Lola had a raging fever… Not awesome. But, I white knuckle gripped it to the CVS, got her fever down, and didn’t end up in jail. Phew. We cuddled though, and she only cuddles sick. Awesome.

7. Hearing the word “fishcunt” used at a table between a mother and a daughter. WOW. Really? This awesome is totally sarcastic.

8. Hearing at “The Flying Biscuit” that my server’s best friend has made it big time in the Photography world taking photos of rappers after attending the same school I’m going. “Jigga What?” They all thought he was a pot head and a nut job. Here he is, famous, and rich!! Now THAT is awesome.

9. “Pot heads and Nut jobs,” an awesome line for a book, except I may have to stick with “I only went for one drink….”

10. This blog. Not Awesome. But, who cares? Like Kat said to the girl who called her short, “SO WHAT?” She is short, and that is awesome enough.

One thought on ““Top Tens” of Awesome

  1. haha i love these. so funny. sorry about your sick baby.love you.

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