Traffic Signals & Gang A-holes

Aunt Sage, my sister in law, and married to my oldest bro, an enforcer of the law, GI dude, who breaks down doors and roams in packs fighting crime, sent along an email warning, which I just opened.
This is something she never does, so I clicked on it, the “traffic” stop title catching my eye, a hopeful warning of where some speed traps can be located.
Excuse my language and my potty mouth, Auntie Sage, but, “What the Fuck?”
First of all, gangs are placing fake babies on the side of the road in hopes women like myself, will pull over to check on the baby, then rape her. They are also egging windows, in hopes to “slow her down” which the police are suggesting you fly at the same rate and dial 911, rather than slow down, a trap they are setting to do God knows what to you, a reality or I knew she wouldn’t be passing it along.
She is rather diligent about what is “news” or not.
I am not sure the blogging community is aware that I have a slight struggle with ADD, anxiety, and driving to begin with, a known fact my presence is not fully welcomed without a trash can being dented. Divorcee says it is an art form to watch me physically park my car in the garage that close to the wall or garage door, barely millimeters from taking out a wall in the front, or shutting the garage door on the back of my car, every time I had just one “Blue Moon” adult beverage after work.
My mom says its because I have a depth perception in my left eye which can not be corrected at night.
Thanks, mom.
But, THIS, this, just sends my anxiety through the roof, imagining a baby carriage on the side of the road or being egged, which by the way, MOFO’s, I am packing eggs, just in case, to throw back, although I am sure this is strongly suggested otherwise by the police or FBI.
I said that professional part, the last line, to protect my family’s identity, in case I do something stupid.
Frankly, how is that working out?
I digress.
Listen gang assholes, if I see a baby carriage on the side of the road, the bad ass in me would like to believe I will call the police, my car going 90 MPH, my pretend water pistol pointing out the front window, my eyes scanning for details the police might miss, like license plate numbers, my quick mind catching pieces of flint, the color and texture off the fake baby’s eyes.
Most likely, I will use that xanex, the one for emergency uses, and if an egg is coming at me, or a fake baby is rigged to rape me, will be in my glove compartment, waiting.
I was clearly not made for fighting crime.
I was clearly made to represent drug pharmaceutical companies, but maybe this blog will reach that one gangsta warfare biatch, who will take them out with an egg right back to the eye.
Everyone has a purpose, so ladies, keep an eye out, or take an eye out, and make sure its not in a parking lot, cause it could be a real baby, and not gangsta, so keep it real, and cock your guns, or load your xanex, cause it is crazy out there.

One thought on “Traffic Signals & Gang A-holes

  1. wth? this must not be local. My sister or future bro in law would have passed it along to me.

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