Good night, Mr. Vicodin


After a trip to the dentist, I was sent home with Vicodin. Mr. Vicodin has taught me a lot about myself, mainly how sweet I am, as opposed to real life I suppose, being that with me and Mr. Vicodin, I am extremely complimentary. I told Divorcee a whole bunch of nice things, which he looked at me strangely, blinked a few times, picked up my prescription bottle as if he found the Holy Grail. “Ahhhh…” he says, holding it up, “No wonder.” I reached for Kat and Lola, begging them to cuddle with me, which Lola of course refused, and I even resorted to begging. Kat ran for the seat, jumped next to me, and when I talked funny for a few minutes she said, “Mom, did you get funny gas?” When I said yes, she asked, “Do you know if you have a thumb?” This made me laugh so hard and Divorcee said it was on an Icarly episode. Who knew? I harassed Clyde all day at work sending him texts about having hair on his ass, probably accusing him of being brokeback, and other immature references to him being gay, but this is not unusual behavior for the two of us, sadly. Actually, I feel kind of mature, all righteous and indignant that the principal of the school has STILL not called me back about the episode at school where the little boy pulled out his wee wee and balls in second grade to my precious little girl, who was shocked, and then horrified.
I got a message before she got home that an “incident” had happened, but had been taken care of, and to call him with any questions or concerns. After discussing what I would like to do to HIS ball sack, Divorcee said it was maybe good that he hadn’t called yet, nodding to the table, I suppose to remind me I am all hopped up on pills.
Still, it’s no excuse.
It’s 1:35 a.m. and I am writing about balls and nut sacks, which is making me giggle to myself, the word itself is hilarious, so everything today has made me giggle. Kat was upset they were so wrinkly. Mr. Vicodin explained that to her today, so God help me, what mess will be made to be undone, who knows. A boy from reading my blog has been contacting me regularly, and tonight I decided to be his friend, gave him my number, telling him we could not talk tonight, with me all hopped up on pills. It will probably occur to me tomorrow it were the pills that gave him the number to him in the first place, which I told him, and he said he would like to thank Mr. Vicodin personally. I told him I had not decided if I were taking him out of my computer, where he belonged, if I had room for a friend, or if I should just skip coffee, and make him my lover.
He said for me to close him up, and put him next to me goodnight, probably a sign I am acting a little loopy. Then, it occurred to me that THIS is a hilarious moment, me and Mr. Vicodin, have reached a whole new level, cuddling with machinery, and I am going to bed giggling about it still.
Good night. I have no business being up at 2 a.m. and will have sweet floaty dreams until I wake up tomorrow, forgetting how fun cuddling with strangers in laptops, forming the word ball sac slowly with my mouth, making me giggle all over again.
This blog is going to be ridiculous, especially tomorrow, I just know it.
The funny thing about Mr. Vicodin and me, is that we for some God forbidden reason, don’t care, and I think I shall miss him.

5 thoughts on “Good night, Mr. Vicodin

  1. um the picture you picked for this made me bust a gut, and I would give an arm to sit and listen to you and Mr Vicodin explain to Kat why ball sacks are wrinkly. bahahahaha

  2. Miss Obvious… Just wondering if one can buy Mr Vicodin off the shelf…. sound like fun to be with!

  3. Mr. Zee, thank you for cuddling with me. It has been a long time I have wrapped my arms around anything this hot. BAHAHAHAHAHA

  4. Pingback: Crazy Little Drunk People! « K8's Krazy Thoughts

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