Assignment One

W h Y P Ho T o G r A p H y
It has taken me 32 years to put the following thoughts together…

1. When I got a Pink Polaroid at age 7, Nutmeg and Ginger, my dogs, would no longer sleep with me because I would dress them up, prop them with pillows and stuffed animals, give them bows and pearls, and shoot polaroids for hours. I think it was the jean jacket when Nutmeg said, “Enough is Enough.”
2. When my ex husband lost his job, I had to sell thousands of camera equipment to pay our mortgage. It broke my heart. I made him package it all together, not without me glancing at the “winner” from Arkansas, trying not to hate her guts
3. I would rather cuddle with a Canon 5d Mark II then a boyfriend, even if he gives great back rubs.
4. I watch the Photographer more than the Bride at weddings. Not on purpose. I get distracted by shiny lenses.
5. My favorite part of Christmas has always been the fridge photo. I try to be as different as possible because I can not stand the typical Khaki pants family portrait everyone sends. I dress mine up like Halloween characters, or build a sleigh, make props, like this one I built for last year.

6. It makes me come alive to catch my children when they aren’t watching.

These moments are like Christmas dinner, all year long.

wHaT dO i hOpe tO aCComPlisH wHilE I’m hErE…..

This has been the one question I have actually had to think about, the others came so freely. Some are very simple, and others not. I’ll just list them, no specific order.

1. I have mastered the art of failure. I have had some rocky years. What I just recently learned about myself, is that I am more afraid of success, of my own power, and I have many fears that the Circus is bringing to the surface, terrifying me, wanting me to hide under my covers. I want to accomplish still standing at the end, graduating, a moment of success I can point to, show myself what I am capable of.
2. I am an amateur who likes photos. I want to walk out of the circus a professional who takes great photos.
3. I love people. I want to accomplish a network of people who take this journey, professionally and personally, and I want to show up for them as a friend, a respected colleague, as a source they can confidently give to any working person in the industry, and vice versa.
4. I want the Circus to help me find my nitch, discover my best style and how to market it, be the stamp that makes my brilliant teachers proud, and finally, I am not being silly, but I plan on meeting Rob Dyrdek, the famous skateboarder from the techniques I learn about film and cinematography. I wrote a blog about wanting to find him, and I have acquired 5000 followers who I have promised with the ideas in my head to meet this celebrity through the venues I learn here, the end of these two years will produce a film where all my ideas can be executed, all my haters and supporters can watch the story unfold, and when it does, I will have blogged the entire experience through the process, something I think will make me famous.
5. I’m terrified that my girls will not have me when they are crying, see me and assume I don’t miss them, get sick during panel, that the money will be so tight I wont have gas, the projects not what I want them to be because waiting tables part time wont cut it. What I want to get out of the Circus is my two girls seeing there mother fight for this, and I have a small window, Lola being in Kindergarten, to do this, to do it with all my soul, to fight, to climb, to make a way for us as a family. I have been given this one opportunity, and unlike my 20s, I value it, just sitting in this class is a huge mountain, and to change my life, is to change theirs.
I hope to honor them, not waste a gift given, humbly take any criticism offered, and Norm quoted my favorite FAVORITE line of all time.

“Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That’s how the light gets in.”

I hope to become the most perfect imperfection, and I have no idea how I am going to pull this one off.
There are a lot of cracks, many risks, and who would I be if I were a successful?
Perhaps the light shall show me.
I do a lot of things small, but dreaming is not one of them.

5 thoughts on “Assignment One

  1. so true, that dreaming is something you do not do small, Karie. Keep the end in mind. Do NOT let yourself get in the way of your success. I love you and am proud of you.

  2. I think three hours of sleep a night is going to make a lot of Atlanta drivers pretty angry 🙂
    I love you and thanks for all your support!!!

  3. “Forget your perfect offering.
    There is a crack in everything.
    That’s how the light gets in.” – who said this?

    i like your aspiration – it seems like the recipe of a good life. 🙂

  4. So proud of ya girl! I know you’ll do awesome at anything you put your mind to. I always saw the strong soul in your eyes… a little confused on the mention of the ‘Circus’… is that the name of the school or are you lucky enough to work with carneys?! 😉

    Much love

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