Breaking up is OKAY


Dear Rob Dyrdek,
How do I put this? I am not really good with feelings.
I’m breaking up with you.
I did enjoy your skate tricks, your dog, Big Black, your silly childlike brilliance.
You inspired me to the point of asking you to email me, our private relationship became my personal cell phone message, which I can’t figure out how to change back.
The same five people who call often get pissed about that one, Rob.
Maybe I should blame it on the Gingers mostly, Baby Bro, and my girl, Kat.
Baby Bro is a freedom lover, a Ron Paul supporter, and a great lover of documentaries.
He picks the best ones and when a clear day comes and he has a certain smirk on his face, I consider myself lucky, sit back, ready to really think and talk.

Not really a political girl, am certainly not Libertarian, Democrat, or Republican.
I like to imagine you like me, and the political bullshit ends when you fart on Big Black.
Truth.

There is nothing to fear, nothing to defend, nothing to hide.

That is why I love people who can really know how to spit truth. I certainly can not.
It is so easily seen but so cleverly disguised.
And for all you who preach nothing, I hunger you, so I watch and observe how you ooze with such awesomeness, you of course, have nothing to say.

I wish to be like you.

It took my friend Harpua, a Ginger, which is a mean name for a red head, but not from me, seeing as I have one of my own.

He believes red heads have been persecuted for years and deserve special attention.
Total bullshit. Lola stops traffic when she swings her red hair.
Gingers can’t really be trusted. It’s part of their charm.
So my Ginger friend Harpua and I agree that the most important question to answer a child with is a question, so that they think for themselves. Smart people tell you what smart people tell them so the questions leading back are all just answered from similar shades of the same “smartness.” But perhaps all the kids and the Gingers, or those in disguise, are the few who don’t even tell you what the smart people say.

Perhaps they just ask you the question right back.

Kat shot through a doctor today with this one simple question,

“Why sir, do you want my mommy to take medicine her body says isn’t okay?”

The man was holding up samples of LEXAPRO, promising me the only side effects were money, which he could take care of, seeing as he had so many samples.
No side effects? I asked again.

He laughed, the way smart old men with papers that tell them they are smart laugh when questioned by silly blonde girls, blonde girls who actually believe they know their own bodies.

Kat is a Ginger, disguised with brown hair, and intuitive.
That is my Kat. Asking questions with questions.
I wondered who I would become if I did the same.

And so, through Harpua, I have found someone you, Dear Rob, you can not even hold a candle to.

He looks for terrorists, to help police officers he assumes are impersonators of the police, mostly to offer hugs, and make announcements into megaphones, important messages like if you see a human body in another religion, to please physically attack them to change their minds.. I have 7000 people this silly blog reports read daily, and so, if one person knows how I can find this man, I don’t know what I would do with myself.

I might find a big black man to fart on too, Rob.

Stay tuned for Harpua and I to hit Atlanta, come join us with your questions as well, or for a lot of fun. I have a feeling Lola could draw a crowd, except Divorcee may not approve it for a school sick day. It would make a awesome school bus trip, a photo documentary, and if I don’t get kicked out of PTA for it, I’ll be pissed. Thank you Gingers, or if you are one in disguise or have wronged one in your day, stumble this on.
Do it.
Stumble and Google “The Love Police.”

As far as Rob, I am pretty sure he would agree, “Everything is Okay.”


4 thoughts on “Breaking up is OKAY

  1. Pingback: 5.4375 ways I know you are not the ONE for Kat « The bomb dot com backslash the shyt

  2. i wish i had as much time to write as much as you did, and the ability to just write stuff, im so OCD i write stuff, then critique it to the point i dont even post it, i have a ton of stuff ive written and just never posted, and then i have alot of other stuff i started writing, and just lost the inspiration. any suggestions? maybe i should just start writing about everything i take a notion to write about and see what happens….enjoyed this.

  3. I remember you had a blog and you are so gifted, and real as a person, I was excited to actually read it. But it ate at me that it was more about sermons and you never wrote about the shit I wanted to know, like the times you hit rock bottom, or your kids, how you restored guilt or stories about what made you hope or laugh again or come up for air…what you think about rehab, what system of truth works and doesn’t.. For a fact, you are a great writer.
    I think God is awesome, seriously, but I wanted so much more than I felt you gave. What do you think about that? The reason I answer so candid is because I fucking love someone who answers a writing question with direct critique. I never get constructive feedback, not ever! My problem is that If I don’t write, the people in my life get pissy and accuse me of not being grounded, ha.. I read once that inspiration is bullshit. You write because you are born to, and I kind of agree. I don’t know how else to exercise my demons, and as a little girl, I kept stacks of journals in my closet, and took polaroids of my puppies 🙂 I think if you stopped writing sermons and started talking to God under the influence of your worst battle with drugs and insanity, I would put my coffee down. I know you have lived so much life and I want to read it, not the Bible, however Holy and awesome that is for you. Direct question answered with great respect, muah. Please don’t hold back on me either. You should sit down and write one word for sixty seconds. Whatever comes. We can exchange them daily. It would be fun.

  4. i will do that, ignore what i just posted, it is another sermon, however, i do see things differently due to the call i have on my life, yet i do agree that i need to write about life and keep the sermons for the pulpit. when you are called, the sermons come and when you dont have an outlet for them what do you do with them? i think writing my sermons were a way for me to express it and get it out.

    i will refer back to this, use it as a guide line to write something near to me and my life. something that mrs obvious may enjoy. i will write something similar to my journal, just maybe not as personal. and ill try to tone down the bible influence. i do love the bible, it is my heart and passion, as so is God and Jesus, and i do thank you for respecting that passion. i do understand where you are coming from and what your saying……

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