Someone Once Told Me…
“If you go back to waiting tables at a certain age, you never come back.”
“Going to school is for people who have important dreams, not people like us.”
“If you go to school, the most important aspects of your child’s life could slip through your fingers, moments you can never get back.”
“Going to school is the stupidest idea to earning an education.”
“If you do not go to school, you will become a second rate photographer, another one of million amateurs who lowers rates for the higher paid non ignorant working professionals.”
“If you go to school, you will be in so much debt that it is illogical and frivolous, an idea built on an illusion that you could possibly make any money freelancing.”
“If you quit waiting tables while in school for gas and food to assist for a new friend, you are walking on a tight rope of financial irresponsibility.”
“If you go to school and continue not sleeping, you will go crazy and possibly are bipolar as it is.”
“You can not get a job without learning how to be a cord bitch first, and you, can never efficiently handle wires or cords.”
“Mommy, if you fail school, I will not be sad because I will see you more.”
“The only thing I regret about The Circus was not quitting sooner.”
“You can not pass first quarter without a light meter, a failing computer, a color checker, or a tripod. This computer is absolutely unacceptable.”
“In 100% pie chart, only one percent will make it after going 40,000 dollars in debt, an impossible equation to overcome no matter how good you are at hustling. That will never pay the bills.”
“You may be terrible at Photoshop, but I must say, you write great emails.”
SOMEONE ONCE TOLD ME….
“Go with your gut, because it is always right.”
“I believe in you.”
“I don’t know how you create the things you do, but when you say it is going to happen, I get the joy of sitting back and watching it unfold.”
“You should be charged more, yes you, the first quarter student with no technical skills.”
“Do not walk behind me and carry equipment. Take this Canon 5D and put it on your neck. You are the only one not believing you are a professional.”
“You will be the last one standing, no matter what anyone else thinks. I have seen you prove it again and again.”
“Only one in a million are made like you. No one can say what to do but you.”
“Here are the keys to your car we had fixed. I may not be getting out of Chilis, but I’ll be damned if you don’t for me.”
“You, the students, are responsible for your own education.”
and my favorite, “Mommy, no matter what happens, don’t cry. I love you just the same..”
And so, my dear readers, after one quarter, you have read and supported this journey of my one broken tripod, my longing for home, my tears from the endless nightmares of problem solving, all of you along the way supporting and cheering me, have awakened with me, coffee in my hand, tears on my keystrokes.
Feel the weight of your love.
It has taken all that I am, has not been easy, and almost cost everything, and is nowhere near over, but the statement in the school auditorium that brought me chills then, still has taught me the most invaluable lesson of my life.
“Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack, a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.”
And I’m tired of being perfect at failing, so tired, my dearest friends, and so I must learn that failing was never my problem, but success was always the excruciating dream crushing my existence, asking me if I was worth it, what I valued in order to obtain it, who would I need approval from and why to claim it? It has been here all along, knocking, whispering, asking, and today, I finally cry out, is finally for me to seize it.
I have been offered a nice salary, way above what I am qualified, being paid by check now, have a budget I almost choked at the dollar amount, a number my imagination didn’t quite know existed, my checking account is at 12 bucks. I have a respected opinion into how this budget is managed as far as business, marketing, clients, and goals. I “get” to be in charge of learning lighting, with brand new equipment to play with at my disposal, have the Canon 5D, workshops fully paid and booked in the areas of growth I need including Photoshop, Marketing, and Lighting.
I am working for and with a professional who has asked me to share her vision, her dream, believes in the magic of my own marketing, my loyalty, my passion, aware the skills to photograph are coming along much faster than what I am aware of.
It was I who made the decision to quit school, and in that moment I looked at her and said, “It’s time. We don’t belong here.”
She did not hesitate, but went to the car, handed me my job requirements, our vision statement, the goals we had been discussing for hours while supposed to be doing homework. She had known all along, that Thelma, all along, and had waited for me to see it for myself, that I was worth it, deserved it, owned it. But, she, my new partner not just in crime, but business, had always seen what I was too afraid to.
Here I had been, worried about a tripod.
This one is for you, Thelma, the song you thought of me for, the one that played the day I changed my own mind, the day we made a commitment to not just business or each other, but to ourselves, a cohesive force of two creatives with fearless drive and ambition.
I dare anyone to say you can’t.
I will die fighting for what we build, who we hire, how we create, and nobody is worth the bumps, falls, failures, and defeats along the way more than you. No one has supported or pushed or believed in me without a doubt, with such fierce loyalty and surmountable support and non attachment to the outcome like yourself.
I thought it would be a man, but I was wrong.
I have finally met my equal.
And that has made it all worth it.
- Bunkbed Breakthroughs (buddhathepig.wordpress.com)