Granny Panties and Free Steak

Cute, but a little much with the Granny Panties

Too much Panty, Not enough Granny

Since family members strongly oppose to me writing about my personal life, so much so that I get deleted off facebook, even by my auntie, and Divorcee too, well, one might take this as an opportunity to throw a pity party or if PMS could be blamed, could be fair gain for a smear campaign.

Not this chick.

No, I decided it is past due time to put on my Granny panties, a term I threw in by no accident since the number one search term to find this ridiculous blog is “Granny Panties,” which has me far more bitter.

Seriously guys?

800 searches for Granny Panties?

I don’t even know when or why I wrote about such a thing, and I find this far more disturbing for any future sex life I wish to have, until I looked farther and found the search terms “killing people and putting them in dryers,” “penis shaped rice krispie treats,” “vietnamese men and how to excite them,” and a SHOUT OUT now…
For the poor person looking for her lost dog, try Craig’s list or your neighborhood vet.
For a week now, “please help me find my puppy,” and “where is my poor doggy” and “what to do when doggy doesn’t come home” can’t be daily coincidences, so if this finds you person with lost dog, please go to Google or yell down the street..

You’re breaking my heart.

I can’t say much about anything shaped like a penis much less as tasty as a Rice Krispie, nor have I dated a Vietnamese man, but whoever is wondering how to kill people by putting them in a dryer, you need serious help.

Haven’t you ever watched “CSI” or “America’s Most Wanted” for Christ’s sake?

If you plan on murdering by dryer, which is probably tough, what are you going to do?
Throw in some Snuggle dryer sheets so the body smells like a powdered baby’s ass?

Why the dryer?

I loved all the Rob Dyrdek searches, the one lady who wrote “single mom of four needs Rob Dyrdek’s sex machine” which is a lot of words for a search, but if you have four kids, again, I suggest Craig’s list.

I wonder if Craig’s List has families in need of a writer, a Historian, a poet or a rapper, yes, I do rhyme, after a jager bomb or two. I was thinking of starting a Facebook Fan Page for all people who have been deleted off facebook, not by a friend or an ex, but an elite group for family deletions.

We could get matching tshirts and swap recipes and stories of when and how the deletion occurred, perhaps a prize or a week with an adopted family could bring tears to the eye, like that “America…”

Dang it. What is that show? It’s the Tye guy who remodels homes for poor and needy people?
You know, “MOVE THAT BUS,” and everyone sobs and cries, while the entire town cheers as families that lost parents and are law abiding citizens get amazing homes paid in full?

Yeah, just like that.

America can vote, the fan who has the most bad ass deletion story by family will obviously win, and maybe some generous Tye type, even though I heard he was an alcoholic by Divorcee, who knows these sorts of things..

will buy him or her a steak dinner somewhere fancy.

We’ll set up a webcam and maybe not yell ‘MOVE THAT BUS,” but something more like, “CUT THAT STEAK!!”

Then, the sky will open and Granny Panties will fall, Rob Dyrdek will come out with Rice Krispie shaped dongs, Vietnamese men will surround the building, and some poor woman will have found her dog.

Don’t quit your day job, Tye.
I kind of like the idea of making dreams come true, one deleted fan at a time….

9 thoughts on “Granny Panties and Free Steak

  1. “starting a Facebook Fan Page for all people who have been deleted off facebook, not by a friend or an ex, but an elite group for family deletions.”

    Do it! I will join.

    and the show is called Extreme Home Makeover. What would yours be called?

    “Extreme FB Deleitions and other crazy stuff that got you deleted” ? LOL

    BTW that picture of Lola is amazing and you better get a bigger stick and soon.

  2. LOL! I love reading your blog. Life would be way poorer if you were not in it! The deletees dont know what they had and lost!!!

  3. Nice to find you. This was pretty damn funny. I say that with a wry, knowing smile of having had family un-friend, re-friend, and un-friend again because of my silly little blog. They are currently in the asking to re-friend mode because a family wedding is coming up.

    Is it pathetic that I took great pleasure in ignoring several sisters’ friend requests? Facebook makes any drama with them at least 489% worse.

    Yep, five girls in my family and one brother. It was so #@$% growing up when our periods synched and we wanted to rip each others’ faces off. To this day, this phenom has continued. Le sigh….


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