- The online date who suggested I bring wine and a fire log wasn’t being a hopeless romantic. He had no heat in his apartment.
- My ex who I have YET to blog name accused me of being on the dating site “LINKED IN.”
- Kat, who after seeing Lola cry because a child at school convinced her she was being stalked by a cougar, took it upon herself to find the child’s number and called the parents herself.
- Lola, from the back seat of the car saying, “Hey mom, you ever heard of Paul Revere? That guy just kills me…..”
- Finding video footage of Kat convincing Lola to leap off tall furniture in attempts to get more you tube followers.
- The fact I started a job fooling an entire company of people that I did not in fact, live in my van. I can’t believe I got away with that. Thank God for gym showers and McDonald’s wifi.
- Lola getting drums for Christmas and nearly fainting on the floor.
- My father attempting to join UFO conventions.
- When my ex was told to wait in the emergency room for having a piece of metal stuck in his eye, he called a ambulance himself from the front door with his cell phone to be admitted faster.
- Actually recruiting for a living, after having made fun of my dad my whole life for being one, I now was embarrassing myself talking into a head set.
- Kat, a snarky preteen found online what she thinks is the “perfect” family. They are the TURD family and all their kids have TURD in their names to conceal their real identity. There is Baby Turd, Brother Turd, Princess Turd…She told me how she couldn’t imagine having such a great family and her own blog name. I thought about changing her name to Kat TURD, and revealing her in this blog! I’d be mom of the year right? Then I realized she would see how often I curse and use it against me. Then I realized she would one day be able to find this and while Lola beat her drums, I nearly fainted too.
What on earth will 2014 bring?
According to Lola, its already got a bad vibe because a black kid in her class said Martin Luther King wasn’t real. She was very upset by this. “BUT MOM, HE IS BLACK!” It blew her mind. Third grade will do that to you.
2013 sure as hell did.