Things That Make Your Brain Go Numb

Things I think are freaking hilarious:

Clyde is a diabetic, not a fatty fatty two by four…He was born that way and wears one of those insulin pumps (I’ve always wanted to do a man with an insulin pump, its on my bucket list..:)

Anyways, he was telling me that his pee smells like jet fuel and when I didn’t believe him, I went on the internet and googled “Diabetic Urine Smell.”

Its saved on my searches and makes me laugh every time. I love the internet.

Kat does this thing now where she lies and says her Dad farted. I think its totally karmic, and hilarious, how pissed off he gets. I heard him say, “Kat, why did you just lie and say I farted!” He said it in total seriousness and exasperation and I couldn’t help but burst into laughter.

I usually don’t like to talk about my job or write about it either because it brings out the worst in me. But how can you NOT laugh at people who ask for one cube of ice, order a Bacon Burger without bacon, ask if the fried shrimp will upset their diarrhea, ask to be moved to the section that does not smell like food, and here I go, this could easily go off in to a tangent, which is why I must “focus.”

Our hostess accidentally kicked off a guy’s prosthetic leg once when not paying attention. Now that is funny.

Clyde and I regularly answer the phone in all sorts of ridiculous ways. He pretends he is a black dude named The Clydester, and is constantly either pretending to be a woman or thanking me for my applications put in to the Pink Pony when he leaves messages. Today, I answered his work line, “Baby making factory, are you here to donate some sperm or should I put you on hold?” I almost peed on myself when it was my photography school calling me to speak about the interview I had been sweating all week. GEEZ……

Baby bro is a personal trainer and he trains me in our garage (club Tokyo we nicknamed it) and in return, I bring him chicken crispers and french fries home from work. We are such a bizarre team.

The way Oprah tries to swing and dance when she has guest singers on…Its absolutely frightening.

Listening to baby bro imitate Jake from the Bachelor. It is comedy at its best. “Listen, Tenley. You just don’t give me a boner the way Vienna does. Sorry.” He does amazing rose ceremony impersonations with his own twist.

The fact my grandfather (a total douchebag by the way) had half a prostate, one lung, a couple of tumors, brain surgery, and a few falls and insisted on going up to Gold’s gym in his wheelchair to renew his membership. I think he would have been a great spokesman.

What do you think is hilarious?